Fictional Diseases

Platytrichia

Also known as Straight Hair Syndrome. Occurs exclusively in females.

Etiology: the etiology of the disease is mainly psychological, but is modified by several external (environmental) factors. The psychological factors include an increased desire to be noticed combined with assumptions that straight hair looks better than normal. External factors include increased exposure to visual contact with males, GFC celebrations, weddings and other occasions. The disease may also be idiopathic, occurring without any reason, giving it the title ‘idiot’pathic platytrichia.

Pathogenesis: visit to the beauty parlour with or without gang of friends, followed by exchange of monetary exudates from purse of patient into the palmar aspect of hands of hair stylist.

Clinical features: Flat curtains of hair hanging down from scalp, excessive swinging of head, repeated checking in mirror when available, continuously enquiring any and every observer/bystander’s opinion about hair.

Diagnosis: Mainly on the basis of history. Usual positive response is given to the question “Wow! Did you straighten your hair?”

Treatment: Conservative treatment involves the inversion of a bucket full of pure distilled water over the external aspect of patient’s cranium. Multiple cycles of conservative therapy may be necessary to achieve the desired results. Surgical treatment involves shaving of the head of the patient. It is rarely performed, although it is instantaneous, cheap and long lasting. Side effects of surgical therapy include long term major psychological disturbances in the patient.

Massbunkiasis

A highly communicable disease “presenting” exclusively among college going  students.

Despite being consistently present in all parts of the country with high levels of prevalence, there is surprisingly very little data available with officials studying this disease. Frequent attempts by several researchers to discover the nature and mechanisms of this disease have all gone in vain. Massbunkiasis has reached almost epidemic levels. However, the introduction of recent breakthrough advances into prophylactic techniques against this disease have yielded some success. Such techniques include levying of fines, disciplinary actions, notification of parents and loss of internal assessment marks.

Gym Jaao Syndrome

Increased interest in and frequency of going to gym.

Etiology: usually caused by apparent weight gain during exams, or close friend going to gym.

Pathogenesis: Unexplained urges to utilize skeletal muscles strenuously by lifting weights of various shapes and sizes in different ways.

Clinical features: Muscular pain, repetitive checking weight and/or waist size to find any differences, intermittent episodes of guilt over skipping a few days of gym and also unnecessary arguments with friends over when to go to gym and with whom.

Diagnosis: On the basis of history, and asking leading questions like “how many times a week do you work out in the gym?”

Treatment: only necessary if patient has any inconvenience. The clinical features usually subside or disappear completely when exams are approaching and are going on.

Schizoproxia

A form of mental disease in which the patient instantaneously assumes the personality of another person only during lectures specifically while attendance is going on.

Etiology: Prearrangement of proxying schedule, sudden message from friend in hostel or restaurant, general welfare of absentees.

Pathogenesis: person prepares himself psychologically and physically to answer the attendance of another person in order to ensure high levels of the absent persons attendance.

Clinical features: Attacks of schizoproxia last for a few seconds only, but in severe cases there may be multiple attacks per lecture depending on whether the lecturer has noticed or not. There are subtle changes in voice and physical appearance, like the addition of glasses or the shifting of one’s seat to another.

Diagnosis: Majority cases are not detected clinically and are left undiagnosed. Careful observation requiring several years of skilled practice are required on the part of lecturer to diagnose student as having shizoproxia. For confirmation of suspected cases, individual crosschecking of all students present in the class can be done.

Treatment: Once a case has been successfully diagnosed by the lecturer, treatment usually involves marking ‘Absent’ for the patient in that lecture, along with careful observation of the patient in all subsequent lectures to check for recurrence. For advanced cases, drastic treatment involves instantaneuosly marking the patient ‘Absent’ in several future classes, apart from “referring” the patient to superspecialists like the HOD or Dean

Zombie syndrome 

A chronic condition in which the victims have an excessive attachment to their bed and even the slightest thought of separating them from it would make them undergo a state of depression. Studies show that this is the most common disease which the Sawangi’ites suffer from with an incidence of 90 % . It is mostly precipitated by mornings and Mondays .It is a contagious and communicable disease mainly due to room-mates and neighbours.

Instant noodle mania

A condition which is characterised by repetitive cooking of noodles striking mostly during night times (especially before exams !!) .There are various etiologies but Maggi and Top raman seem to top the charts from many years .The incidence of this disease  is equal in both the sexes and can be predominantly seen in the hostelites.  Noodles  also serves as a back up plan on Sundays where ‘KHICHDI’ fails to induce hunger or fill tummies .

Obsessive dress change disorder

Disorder mostly affecting the female population of Sawangi in which, the patients shows  symptom of repeated change of clothes atleast  5-6 times before a party or a planned event .The classical sign is that the patient is  generally  late for such an event in which she mostly ends up wearing the one which they tried first  . Party freaks and committed girls are at  a higher risk .

Flabs vs abs fever

Sufferers of this disease are mostly the males in which their main aim is to have Six pack abs . Geographical distribution of such victims is mainly confined to the Gym or the health club area mainly in the evening hours . The Fever may also show a latent phase where the patient is affected by it but shows the symptoms of Gymming later. It characteristically becomes an epidemic after a Salman Khan movie release .Fever shows classical symptoms of Body cramps and Easy Fatiguability in the beginning phase resulting in increased resting time and low attendance .

 

Pratyusha Akkaraju , 2008 Batch

Zakiuddin Mohammed,2007 Batch